Whenever I get an idea for a “life project” in my head, it is impossible to get it out. I always try very hard to achieve it. This is considered a good quality, right? However, the motivations or expectations behind these projects are sometimes stupid, highly misguided, and unreasonable. As a result, I end up not fully enjoying and taking advantage of the opportunities that I work so hard to get. Instead, I focus on fulfilling my stupid expectations rather than appreciating what I have accomplished. I also become disappointed if these expectations are not met. I realized this trend not too long ago and I hope it won’t fuck up my ability to enjoy New York City.
I wonder if my motivations and expectations to move there are stupid and misguided, and I wonder how they will affect my experience.
I know, it’s impossible that a project will exactly meet all of your expectations. Sometimes, an experience may turn out much better, much worse, or completely different that what you might have expected. I just have a hard time letting go of my initial expectations, I think.
At the same time, if I took life as it came — no planning, no motivations — I don’t think I would have been achieved all the things I have achieved. Part of what motivated me to go to University, travel, and do all types of good stuff was the crazy expectations I had for these experiences. I say to my self: “all this work will be so worth it once I get to do X thing and X thing”. I don’t know how to get around that.
Well, the type of mindset I am cultivating right now is that I should not expect a specific, extraordinary, life-changing outcome from my temporary relocation to New York. I just know that it will certainly change me and my life in some way, but I should stop trying to predict how this will happen. I think this is a good compromise.
Some projects I have pursued in the past where there has been a mismatch between expectations and result include:
Moving to New York City is perhaps the oldest of these “life projects”. I’ve been wanting to do that for suuuch a long time so my expectations are very simple. Below, I decided to list my expectations in very general terms in terms of the likelihood that they will be met. Not sure if this is helpful or not but I tried to be as honest with myself as possible.
Likely =1; Somewhat likely=2; Unsure=3; Somewhat Unlikely=4; Unlikely=5
- Live there (1)
- Try lots of awesome food (1)
- Get a job (1)
- Get a rewarding/cool job (4)
- Meet cool people (1)
- Make friends (2)
- Take up some cool classes (2)
- Meet hot guys (1)
- Hook up with hot guys (3)
- Hook up with my existing new york lover (1)
- Not get too attached to my existing NYL (5)
- Gain valuable experience from my internship (1)
- Become more independent (3)
- Learn about myself (1)
- Try new things (1)
- Learn new things/skills (1)